Can't help but wonder (pitty party)

It has been two years since I have been struck down, have had many going to different neurologist for second opinion and more treatment.been going to physical therapy with what seems to be little results. Still can not walk or get up on my own, let alone get around the embarrassing issues of toileting.I have a great wife who takes care of me and three boys, my oldest has given up on me, so it seems.

My insurance sucks , I am on forced disability, living way below the poverty level, recipient of food stamps.stuck in this damn bed !

I have become lazy and complacent.all I want to do is sleep.

I hear of people getting treatment, having problems with the treatments and being caught in a treatment loop , which I want to avoid, given my past history with DR'S and hospitals.

Friends and family do not come by, they seem non existent I SEEM NON EXISTENT......

IS THIS ALL THERE IS ? Fifty five years of a productive life , only to wind up like this ?